forthebook's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- doubt Doubt. Always doubting. Why? There's rarely a reason, or maybe that's what always makes it so scary - That I always trusted, in full, the people who hurt me most. I really don't want to botch this one. How often does a guy who wants to settle down with me and I want to settle down with come along? Not very. Not usually. Rarely, if at all. It's funny how I turn to the Exes for advice when it comes to newly forming relationships. I guess they know me better than most, these men I've let into my mind and into my heart at different points of my life. Also, they know what I did wrong for each of them, therefore allowing me to sidestep potential fiascos. Yes, somehow the word and advice of an ex-something (because most of them definitely weren't boyfriends) carries a certain weight that I trust. When the guy who told me that he had been using me as a fallback girl for a year told me "It's September" about a guy who hurt me in July, that hits home. When the guy who unexpectedly got back together with his exgirlfriend before I could blink my eyes tells me that I should trust this new kid, that means something. I don't though. I always think they're going to be the same - because they were all the same before. 10:29 p.m. - 2004-09-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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