forthebook's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- gone Why does it bother me so much that I haven't heard from you? We barely spoke after it was all done and through - after I found my semi-closure from all that we had been through. It was strange that getting you in the way I always wanted, always felt I was lacking compared to her was the thing that would set me free from thoughts of longing in entirety. By that I mean the sex, of course. The reason I always felt had set me so much far behind in the battle for your affections. Which should have been stupid and probably was untrue - or so you told me it was - but I felt in my heart that I could offer you more of myself and I was willing to; all those times we tried and I just couldn't do it, too much pain too much indecision and too much fear that it just wouldn't make a difference, like you said. No matter, unimportant. We barely spoke but you were kind to me. You listened when I called, you answered, you planned, you made time for me. But my emails have gone unanswered and my phone calls unreturned. I'm more than a little hurt by that and my mind races with reasons on why you would shut me out so suddenly and for no reason. However unlikely it may be, the only reason I can think of is her. Although I know that she does not wield her power over you like that anymore. The only reason I can think of because it's the only thing that has ever come between us before. 12:43 p.m. - 2005-07-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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